In Flight...
I've been in the air for just over an hour and a half and I'm going stir crazy. These seats don't allow for rest or comfort; especially for a girl who likes to sit crosslegged. :
I try to nap, head against the wall of the plane, but it only allows for snippets of restless dream state.
It's interesting to me that where once these periods would conjur up thoughts about school or home or some other mundane topic, I now find myself thinking about Scott and the odd ache that comes from not being able to curl up next to him or talk in person, and I start to semi-dread the upcoming separation summer will bring.
Throughout this trip, little things have triggered these feelings - sleeping alone, seeing a couple sitting next to each other on the plane and sharing some unknown joke, waiting for the call to board and not having someone to talk to, even the scenes from the book I'm reading.
It's a wholly unique thing to me - this feeling of semi lost. I'm used to being self sufficient, strong, able to surmount any obstacle on my own without the need for someone else, but now, though I know that I am still that person, things have changed. I love having someone I can rely on in any situation, even a partner who can get things off the top shelf for me. It's the little things I always did for myself that show it the most. I struggled with these thoughts a while ago, not wanting to give up my independence or something like that, until I realized that wasn't what this coupling thing meant - I haven't given up anything, I've gained a new dimension or aspect I hadn't known existed before.
Perhaps this is synergy - or something similar - a joining of two forces to accomplish things together rather than separately, something almost "meant to be".
Whatever "it" is, I am still learning and exploring the applications and details. No matter what conclusion or understanding I come to through this process of discovery, I still miss Scott and everything he means to me.
I try to nap, head against the wall of the plane, but it only allows for snippets of restless dream state.
It's interesting to me that where once these periods would conjur up thoughts about school or home or some other mundane topic, I now find myself thinking about Scott and the odd ache that comes from not being able to curl up next to him or talk in person, and I start to semi-dread the upcoming separation summer will bring.
Throughout this trip, little things have triggered these feelings - sleeping alone, seeing a couple sitting next to each other on the plane and sharing some unknown joke, waiting for the call to board and not having someone to talk to, even the scenes from the book I'm reading.
It's a wholly unique thing to me - this feeling of semi lost. I'm used to being self sufficient, strong, able to surmount any obstacle on my own without the need for someone else, but now, though I know that I am still that person, things have changed. I love having someone I can rely on in any situation, even a partner who can get things off the top shelf for me. It's the little things I always did for myself that show it the most. I struggled with these thoughts a while ago, not wanting to give up my independence or something like that, until I realized that wasn't what this coupling thing meant - I haven't given up anything, I've gained a new dimension or aspect I hadn't known existed before.
Perhaps this is synergy - or something similar - a joining of two forces to accomplish things together rather than separately, something almost "meant to be".
Whatever "it" is, I am still learning and exploring the applications and details. No matter what conclusion or understanding I come to through this process of discovery, I still miss Scott and everything he means to me.
posted by Erin at 2:37 PM
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