Thru Hell, High Water, or Dark of Night

About 2 weeks ago I ended up giving myself a migraine - my first in 6 years - due to the stress of upcoming exams, etc. I had talked to my mom on the phone and then taken Maggie for a walk before bed, but upon returning home I had a full blown "aura" that resulted in a huge blind spot in my vision and a feeling of disconnection from the world. All very scary to me of course since I was by myself.

I called Scott and talked to him for a bit, eventaully asking if he'd mind coming over to stay with me since I was scared to be by myself in case something strange happened. We discussed it, and given my mental and visual state, he decided to ride his bike up the hill from campus to my place at 11pm at night. I know he had some qualms about riding that street at night and all but, wonderful guy that he is, Scott still came over.

When he walked in the door he explained that the ride itself hadn't been as bad as he thought it could've been, but that he had skidded and scraped his knee in the process. What my guy won't do for me! :)

Having him by my side that night was incredibly comforting and I feel oh so blessed to have someone willing to go above and beyond to help me out. Did I mention I have the most wonderful fiance in the world?!

Look what I got!!

So I finally got my first bouquet from a boy lol. :) Aren't they wonderful?! Two DOZEN roses in the prettiest shades - no boring red here - and shipped directly to me from the fields according to the packaging lol.

I ended up having to go out and buy a vase for them since nothing I had was tall or wide enough to hold such amazing flowers. After a successful shopping run, I dutifully put the flowers in water, mixed in plant food, and set them on the table for all to admire.

I'm not used to flowers being so fresh, so a few days later, at the peak of their blooming, the roses ran out of water! I didn't notice until that evening, and by then, the damage was done. :(

Luckily there is life after death for flowers, so the roses are now back in their vase, this time in all their *dried* glory. I plan to keep the dried bouquet as long as humanly possibly. :D

Roses, and especially these roses, always make a girl feel super special!

Beginning Year 2 of the Engaged Life!

Wow! Hard to believe Scott and I have been engaged for a year now. I think the last year has brought us even closer - more time together, constantly figuring out how to communicate better, working through another summer separated by many miles, etc. Now we embark on Year Two, and with it lots of new adventures and trials I'm sure.

In May I graduate and while I don't know where I'll end up, I know Scott will be staying at Purdue for another year after me, so it'll be LDR fun again. :\ Starting in June, or whenever I'm done moving, I'll begin wedding planning in earnest - only just over 18 mo from now until it's official!! Once I'm settled in my new place and job, I'll be adding a second dog to the pack - he'll be immediately put into training for his role as co-ring bearer for our 2007 nuptials lol. I'm sure there will be plenty more new experiences for us as a couple, but hey so far we seem to be doing pretty well if I do say so myself. :)

Each time I think I can't possibly love Scott more, I prove myself wrong. Yay for Year 2!

I can't believe I forgot!

I got my ring in June before I left for DC...I absolutely love it! It's not too big that it snags on stuff when I work w/ animals and such and it's unique - no one else has one like it. :D

Cownables

I forget the circumstances, but a few months ago Scott came up with a new word:

COWNABLE: a cow that eats hamburgers (lol)

So there you go hon....I finally got off my butt and talked about cownables! ;)

My Safety Net

Just thought I'd write a bit tonight about how awesome Scott is. :) Tonight I was stressing out big time - I had about a bazillion things fall on my head as soon as I got home from an 11 hour day on campus and I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I called my mom and vented (probably more than I should've since she's probably about as stressed as me lol) and it helped; sometimes I just need to scream and complain and cry a bit and it's all good. My mom is a great listener.

After I got off the phone, I started talking via AIM to Scott and he offered to help me address one of my major sources of concern (the formatting of my resume :P). Once that was finished, he shared in the joy of having that done. Step by step I worked through everything (it was a lot easier than I thought it would be), and step by step, he was there to cheer me on. :D

Scott has really become one of my safety nets - I know that he'll be there to listen and help problem solve, or just make me laugh and forget about my problems for a bit. Sure there are times when I just need to vent and don't need advice, or when the problem is complex and I'd rather work through it another way, but the majority of the time he's who I can turn to when I've had enough. I guess he's kind of my 'port in the storm' of my often crazy hectic life.

I just hope I can serve the same purpose for him as he does for me. Sometimes I worry that I ask too much; Scott just is so giving and I don't want to take advantage of that awesome quality if I can't reciprocate. :)

Family

I know I've been remiss in writing yet again, but nothing really made me feel that I *had* to write and so I haven't...until tonight.

I'm here in Arlington by myself, still getting used to the new setting and people around me. Scott and I talk every night, even surmounting the obstacle of cell phones w/ crappy service where I'm staying (yay for internet phone service). It seems like everything is easy except for the whole separation thing.

I rented "The Family Stone" dvd tonight since I didn't have anywhere to be for the evening. The movie was good, but it also reminded me of something that I am so thankful for - my soon to be family-in-law is wonderful. :)

In the movie, one of the main characters meets her bf's family for the first time and totally doesn't fit in. The experience was horrible for her.

I'm lucky - I didn't have to deal with that kind of stuff when I met Scott's family for the first time. I was nervous of course, but everything turned out fine and I almost immediately felt like I had known them for a while instead of just a few minutes/hours.

Not everyone lucks out like me, and more than a few of my female friends don't particularly like their bf or SO's parents or family. I think sometimes it's hard for people to get used to the idea of a newcomer becoming a 'member of the family'; they're so used to things the way they have always been that adding another person changes the dynamic so much that it takes time to adjust to.

Relationships are interesting that way I think - you're always learning about new dynamics and situations and how to deal with them easily. As I've said before, flexibility is key.

And now this lucky girl is signing off so she can go talk to her amazingly wonderful fiance. ;)

In Flight...

I've been in the air for just over an hour and a half and I'm going stir crazy. These seats don't allow for rest or comfort; especially for a girl who likes to sit crosslegged. :
I try to nap, head against the wall of the plane, but it only allows for snippets of restless dream state.

It's interesting to me that where once these periods would conjur up thoughts about school or home or some other mundane topic, I now find myself thinking about Scott and the odd ache that comes from not being able to curl up next to him or talk in person, and I start to semi-dread the upcoming separation summer will bring.

Throughout this trip, little things have triggered these feelings - sleeping alone, seeing a couple sitting next to each other on the plane and sharing some unknown joke, waiting for the call to board and not having someone to talk to, even the scenes from the book I'm reading.

It's a wholly unique thing to me - this feeling of semi lost. I'm used to being self sufficient, strong, able to surmount any obstacle on my own without the need for someone else, but now, though I know that I am still that person, things have changed. I love having someone I can rely on in any situation, even a partner who can get things off the top shelf for me. It's the little things I always did for myself that show it the most. I struggled with these thoughts a while ago, not wanting to give up my independence or something like that, until I realized that wasn't what this coupling thing meant - I haven't given up anything, I've gained a new dimension or aspect I hadn't known existed before.

Perhaps this is synergy - or something similar - a joining of two forces to accomplish things together rather than separately, something almost "meant to be".

Whatever "it" is, I am still learning and exploring the applications and details. No matter what conclusion or understanding I come to through this process of discovery, I still miss Scott and everything he means to me.

Reflections on Valentine's Day

Last night I was listening to the radio on my way home from running errands and heard something I found rather sad. The radio person was a woman, talking about VDay, and she said something along the lines of "romance and normal expressions of love aren't enough for women to know their guy loves them, we need gifts for that". OMG that's a scary idea! I like VDay now that I have someone to share it with (hated it when I was single after the valentine swap ended in jr. high lol), but I wouldn't be upset if I didn't get anything other than a hug and kiss and a sincere "I love you the mostest" - the gifts are nice, and I love thinking up ideas for what to get Scott, but they aren't everything by any means.

This year I came up with a great idea for what to get Scott and it's currently in motion as we speak; I love the process that goes into gift selection lol. I have no idea what he's getting me, but I know it fits in a medium sized gift bag since I took him to Wal Mart to get something to put the gift in. :) I'm sure I'll love whatever I get - Scott knows me and always seems to find something neat - and I'm pretty sure Scott will really like what I got him.

Everyone says that VDay is a Hallmark holiday, totally made up by the card companies to get more money, but I don't know if that's necessarily true. Certainly in this day and age, the VDay card business is booming, but why give up and just say it's a commercial holiday? Why not acknowledge the connection but be happy with being able to have a whole day that makes us stop and think about those we love and how we can do more for them?

Granted, we should be thinking of those we love more than once a year, but in our hectic lives, sometimes it's nice to have a specific day as a reminder to keep it up year round.

Ah well, I guess I'm a hopeless romantic, just not the commercialized version. :)